An Otherworldly Escape

Writing about a different family in another galaxy made me feel less trapped. In designing bloodlines and inventing family trees, I could escape from my mind, and from what felt like an inescapable future. Images of lush forests of emerald leaves and vibrant flowers grew like wild vines through my now very unstable and unsettled head, wrapping their thorny tendrils around my thoughts, and mimicking reality.
The faces I drew with my imagination looked so beautiful and mystical in my mind's eye; the love I created began to feel warm and gentle to my caged heart.
I wanted to escape more desperately than ever, but I saw no way that I could accomplish this. I spent most of my hours stringing love beads, and tuning out the world.
My grandmother came to visit from the United Kingdom, and stayed for a week or two. I guess I enjoyed it. But most of the time I spent my hours focusing my energy on not running off. Not acting out. Not disappearing. Most likely I wasted that time with my grandmother because I was hyper focused on not doing what was inevitable.
Running away.
How much of my second runaway did I plan; how much was essentially spontaneous happen chance?
To be fair, I wanted to run, although I was not sure that I had the guts or the means to take off again. Taking a good look at April of 2011, I can be very certain that I had no real intent to run. It was, however, a self fulfilling prophecy. I dreamed it, I wanted it, I desired it so badly that I set in motion a devastating turn of events, worse still than the last.
Once again, I didn't think - I just 'did', not caring or even contemplating for a moment the consequences of any of my actions.
I didn't realize that soon I would have to find ways to make money; and those ways would haunt me in my dreams.
I didn't have a clue that riding in ambulances would become so common in my life that it would actually become tiring.
I had no way of knowing that losing my virginity would actually bother so much that I would cry about it. For years. And that I would within a year be covered in so many scars I could never count them all. And that mental hospitals aren't actually always safe places.
I knew nothing. And I thought I knew it all.
It would change in the blink of an eye, but that kind of innocence isn't just lost. That type of innocence is stolen. But really when it comes down to the nitty gritty, I don't know exactly who stole it, because it was stolen piece by piece, shard by shard by a whole flock.
Soon escaping into another world entirely would prove much too enticing a concept for my mind to pass up. Everything was getting fraught with danger and delusion, and there was, at this time, no getting away from it...not that I even wanted to.