I had been on the streets of Miami, Florida, for a few days now. At sixteen years old I was not prepared for all that I was experiencing.
When Unique and I returned to our Motel room with Q, I was faced with the reality that every night would be spent in bed with the two of them, and Unique and I weren't allowed to be dressed. To this day I have to wear something in bed because of how uncomfortable it makes me feel.At some point during the week we moved closer to South Beach and started working the strip. It was tiring work, and I was exhausted, sunburned, and achey all over. However there was no going back that I saw. I was so terrified that my parents would disown me for doing something so terrible. It only got worse and worse and I could not wrap my mind around how far I had fallen.
We stopped in at a McDonalds, and Q encouraged me to eat, even though I hardly had an appetite. Eating my parfait, he told me that I'd have to eat more to keep my butt big, because a big assed white girl was the whole attraction. After years of hearing that I was too heavy from my mother, I felt somewhat confused as to how I ought to respond to this. Was it a compliment, or was it a lie? With no way to know that I was a healthy weight and should love myself as I was, I felt perplexed and pushed it aside. I never knew that it would come back to haunt me for years more.
Working that strip was nervewracking, and I never even saw the beach because I was so tied up getting in men's cars, being driven to cheap by-the-hour motels, and bartering with johns about my prices. It would have been a decent deal, making good money, if it hadn't all gone to Q for him to burn through purchasing cocaine, pot, and booze.
The new motel was a two bedroom place that had a sickly green paint job. I realized pretty quickly that I was having itching and burning, and Unique drew me a bubblebath with baby oil in it, telling me to keep my washcloth separate from theirs.
One night we were going to head out to work a new spot, and I put on some of her makeup, and since I had never used much before I wound up with it caked on my eyelids and really did look the part of a whore.
That particular night was emotionally very difficult for me. At first I wasn't feeling so bad, walking up and down the alley in a new outfit Q had bought me from Marshalls. That quickly changed when a man drove up and I got in his car. We were on our way to the motel and I spotted a baby seat in the back. My heart nearly stopped, realizing how real it all was, and how I felt like a life ruiner. This man, I thought at the time, probably had a wife or a girlfriend, and that was his child's seat behind me. I felt for the first time that I was a whore, and was dragging this man down with me. I told him to turn around and drop me off, but I kept the money because I needed to give it to Q. I thought nothing of morals, only of not angering my pimp.
I was rapidly spotted by a man standing outside the nearby club. He was black, had dreadlocks, and wore a cheap suit with nasty socks. He and the bouncer started chatting me up and I was ushered upstairs, inside. He bought me a beer, and offered me a second one and ecstasy. I said no, once again to the drugs, and he wanted to buy services from me. We started out in a private section of the dark club, music thumping, people dancing...We wound up on the roof in some bathrooms and I only got paid sixty dollars. I walked home in the early morning light, bumping into Unique. She told me to tell Q that I had gotten paid sixty to sit with someone rather than do anything so he would not be as angry. So that is what I did. Q was angry beyond belief at the two of us for not bringing in enough money. He screamed at our faces and yelled, "Daddy is very angry right now! Daddy is very, very angry!" His voice quieted to a sinister calm, and he almost whispered, as though he were afraid of doing something terrible, "Leave Daddy alone. Daddy doesn't want to see you." He told me to go and get him food from the nearby McDonalds, as Unique was sick in bed.
Unique had just asked me if I used condoms every time I had sex, and I had said no. She asked me if I had slept with caveman, and I denied. But she knew. And she told me he had HIV.
I felt my soul die. I was already experiencing some STD symptoms and was filled with fear. That moment I asked Q if I could go get checked for any problems. He told me of course, as he and I walked around outside. He hugged me, and I hugged him so tightly with tears beginning to threaten.
